Another Poem

Ice Princess

She jumps into Emerald Lake
Into a sea of faces, she becomes fierce
She begins to speak, laughing “Joy”
Freezing, she takes everything in

One girl changed, a woman to be
She begins a revolution…
Her past behind her, she looks ahead
Cold, her soul is weakened
Her life, a transformation…

She faces the pages of life, a closed book
Opening her soul, she begins to die
There is no Prince Charming in the world
That can save her from a castle on fire

Upon the sands her castle stood
The moonlit path guided her every step
The waves crashed into the stone-built mansion
Drowning in shame, her dreams shattered
The floods came and swept her away
Exiled, she reaches new heights

But home is calling, patiently waiting
For a revival, for inner strength
Her core to melt away, on fire again
Passionately seeking something more

The dragon sits on the left shoreline
Seeking to destroy her, who she will become
And she runs into her father’s embrace
A warm welcome, the prodigal daughter returns
Into love and into grace and into truth


I began writing poetry in high school and never shared my deepest thoughts with anyone – foolish thinking, a hopeless romantic I am. I was inspired to write about one of my favorite experiences on Summer Project, jumping into Emerald Lake. I came out freezing but relieved. Two years ago on a family vacation we visited numerous national parks, sometimes driving by the beautiful scenery. This time I was able to experience God’s creation first hand.

Just some thoughts as I make my journey home again.

A New Poem -- The Black Rose

The Black Rose

Wilted with the pain of her past
She seeks hope for a brighter future
Thirsty she clings for life, a new beginning
Hungry she walks into the wilderness -- alone
A restless spirit she has, reddened by the desire to love

She once was crowned with laurel
Beautiful in her quiet determination
A small voice whispering to be heard
Her intellect seeks to destroy her
Her wisdom causes her to stumble

She seeks to undo who she has become
Inside her hardened soul torments
Those who love her
Outside she masks an image of strength
Armored and fierce – a soldier in an army

Her words are cunning
Her beauty is deceptive, charming a king
A queen to be, a lady in waiting
Seeking peace in a circle of quiet
Solitude: into the wild she runs

Cut from the bush, she withers away
Misplaced, rooted in guilt and shame
She fell from grace, seeking happiness
Seeking knowledge and truth, she stands
Watered by the spirit of grace, she trembles

A voice inside still waits to be heard
Excited she leaps into the unknown
Forgetting her place, her calling home
She must live her life in third place
Taking baby steps into a new life

_____________________________________________________________

My first name Elizabeth (or Beth) means "God's promise" in Hebrew, my middle name Ann means "favored grace" in the same language. It's strong, it's restless, and it's determined. Both were queens of England in the 16th century: one became a powerful monarch, the virgin queen; the other charmed her way to the throne with her cunning ambition; one died and the other lived: a mother and a child. I am not them. But their history was partial to understanding who I am.

Needles and Mosquitoes

How do you find a needle in a haystack? By picking through the hay until it pokes long enough. How does that needle become a lily, budding with fruit. Clearly this summer has been a wake-up call that I have friends all over the world -- I am that wonder to myself. I have been sleeping too long and too hard.

Everyone in my life has been speaking to me since the beginning. I didn't understand all the pain and suffering, but I have to change my habits -- for my own good. I think too much. I have to hide behind this computer and write and write and write. It will be hard while I am in school and hard to focus. I have to write to people as if I am writing to myself. When I get back home I will need to post the poems of my past -- because that is what I've been hiding. I have reached a breaking point here in Colorado, but I need to stay. My family has been wanting the real me back, the one they saw brighten up and open herself to possibilies in high school. They want me back: to keep the memories of the past and look toward the future. After the fire of 1999, I became stuck and confused. My parents always took me back to that lot and showed me that a new house was constructed in its stead. I have to continue to rebuild my house -- and write the stories of my life. So it begins with now as I salvage the memories of my past. I wish I could burn the books I've read -- but I've always been in the library, reading. Now I have to scan the books of my past and move on.

Sarah Grace

A Slightly New Name

I don't think that I can ever go by Elizabeth again. I know that the poeple who know me as Elizabeth (like family and close friends) Beth-Ann is better. Not only does it show my timid side of myself, but it shows my overly ambigious side. I remember reading Little Women (and taking it in word for word) and wanting to be like Jo March (always theatrical and always writing), but felt more like Beth. I can also credit my friend Cameron for actually choosing the best nickname for me -- plus it is easier to say. You were never shaken, you took charge (Psalms 15). You listened to my ramblings as I vented off my anger and pain, in a very confusing way.

With cups of Earl Grey tea in hand (3x a day), I can write again. Although I am very much like Beth, the Boleyn ambition gets me down. I am Ann: Ann without the 'e.' That drive can be hard to control, being a woman in a Man's world. But then there's always that 'Lady Knight' -- that Eowyn in that crowd of men. Although I see myself as Eowyn, I sometimes (not always) have the wisdom of Gandalf; sometimes it is more foolish, like Radagast the Brown.

I have dug my whole deep in regrets: a dreamer like Joseph, but like Daniel caught in a Lion's den. It's a beautiful metaphor to describe my life.

Since moving to Rock Hill, SC I feel it quite appropriate to call this blog Traveller's Rest. Not only is it a town in Rock Hill, but it's how I feel.

A New Heart -- A Wayward Soldier -- Berry Fulfilling

After closely examining the end of the script for "The Return of the King," I was left suprised by Gandalf's wisdom, "I will not say: 'Do not weep,' for not all tears are evil." This summer is a bitter-sweet reminder that God is love. I have denied myself the joy of writing time and time again: I have been denying God's gift. I didn't grasp the concept that you must love what you do, and do what you love. Although that may seem paradoxal, it is not.

As I grapple with my refined faith in God, friends can provide guidance and wisdom, and I must allow them to. I must ask for their help as they strengthen me. I can think of many friends who have melted away the course metal of my hardened heart. As Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." When I think of something being sharpened I think of a pencil sharpener. At some point the pencil lead narrows: you marked the spot. If I am to write, it must come from the heart.

My first name Elizabeth which means "oath of God." I have always been skeptical about an interpretation. An oath means I must have a commitment to God, not just a one night's stand but a marriage in Christ -- in His truth. I will only receive rest in God when I ask for it. I have a restless spirit. Augustine writes to God "You made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it finds rest in you." That rest is coupled with the revelation of our imperfections, of our lustful pleasures, and of our desires.

The head knowledge I have of God is finally becoming heart knowledge. Yesterday evening after the last discipleship meeting, the three of us (Kristen, Tessa, and I) went to Jamba Juice and they flavor I chose was Berry Fulfilling. Inwardly I was thinking it has been a very fulfilling time here in Colorado. I have found a new life verse (chapter): Psalms 15.

Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellow man,
who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

He who does things things
will never be shaken.

I know myself a little too well, but now I have the opportunity to know friends and family -- get invovled in other's lives. That is my goal. I know I have formed a bubble around me; but gradually people (friends and family) in my lives have broken it. Just to get to know me, personally. I am letting go of myself, but unless friends and family keep poking me, I will continue to keep the barrier up -- hiding from my worst fears, hiding in shame, and so on.

I am still on Summer Project, but there is a possibility that I am may have to go home -- not like a defeated, helpless puppy; instead embracing life with wholehearted vigor.

Examining even the past six months, I have grown and matured. The process was gradual and I experienced joy and then pain. But who doesn't? The answer: because I wasn't following God wholehearted (honestly a scary thought for me). I spent two hours perusing through Barnes & Noble Bookstore and knew I had to pick up "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb and the topics he touches on (such as self-protection) spoke to me. I am naturally a dreamer, but recently my "earthly" dreams have weirdly and unexpectedly become a spiritual wake-up call.



I have been uneasy and restless since coming to Colorado, which is suggestive to my selfish desires and ambitions. Not so humbling, is it? I couldn't sleep because I was truly wrestling with God. I couldn't find peace in God until I was convicted of my sin. The first verse of "In Christ Alone" amazes me:

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;

this Cornerstone, this solid Ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh

Fulness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones he came to save

Till on that cross as Jesus died,The wrath of God was satisfied

-For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live.




There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious

DayUp from the grave he rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine -

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.



I will to able to pray with dignified compassion, I will be able to worship my Savior, and I will be able to serve Him with a humble heart.



During our last Soul to Soul large group meeting, my mentor Dana Cline encouraged me by emphasizing the joy she felt in my determination to hike Long's Peak and in my passion for words. Using John 1:1 she was able to describe this passion. I think I have always known I am most passionate for writing, which means I should pursue it full-time. I should spend more time writing; but I have discovered that my best writing is divinely inspired. Sometimes I cannot budge unless I have thoroughly thought the assignment through, sometimes writing it at the last minute.

In Christ Alone

I have learned so much while I have been here in Fort Collins. Whether or not I leave is determined by God's will. I do not know where He will lead me, but I want to follow Him wholeheartedly.



I know I don't understand, I have been foolish to think I ever did.

A Sinner and a Saint

Let me be honest, I am a dreamer. One of my dreams a couple of years ago, I remember seeing white doves flying through a white blanketed sheet. After telling one of my friends here about the dream last night, she said convincingly, "God doesn't do magic." And He doesn't; He performs miracles and He transforms lives.



I have been wrestling with a lot of stuff (from my past) that I have trouble understanding. Things I am ashamed of, things I regret, and so on. I am realizing that I am more of a sinner than a saint; but in Christ I am both. I have wandered away and Jesus is taking me back one step at a time. I am broken and I have fallen. Being lifted up again will be difficult



When I ask questions, I am curious. I ask myself more questions -- a doubting Thomas, per se (John 20: 24-29).

A New Day

A new adventure, a new time zone, new friends--everything is new in Colorado. I haven't yet gotten into a routine here. The National Staff Conference is the last week of July--we have nearly one month to prepare and to create various projects.

I have almost been here for two weeks! 6 weeks to go until I go home.

feels heartbroken...

Summer Fun...

For the past five days, I have imagined being somewhere else with a special someone. But in three days I make a 5,000 mile+ journey across the Atlantic Ocean to Greece. I am going to complete a course, simply to do a 10-minute presentation, and then travel across the country on my own for a week.

I plan to have fun, but right now I dreed leaving. I will be overseas for 22 days. I look forward to hiking Mount Olympus, the culmination of my tour in Greece. I may spend a night at "The Refuge" near the summit of Mount Olympus.

I will try to keep everyone updated whenever possible. Send a few postcards. Call some friends and family.

Computer Meltdown and Resulting Consequences

The '08-'09 school year is concluding within the next two weeks. Within the past month or two I have discovered my school performance decrease. I must learn to balance a social life and academic life (studying). I blame it, in part, in my inability to stay focused for long periods of times. And it is clearly all my fault. [Maybe I am my own worst critic and I am too harsh on myself; maybe I need to be.]

Since my computer crashed midway through the semester, I discovered my reliance on technology. I rely on a "personal" computer to write papers and to study for tests.

Next year I plan to stay ahead and develop better study habits.

One word

is necessary to describe today's events: accepted. I am going on Summer Project: 7 weeks in Fort Collins, CO. I do not know what to expect over Summer break, but I hope to learn a lot through both of my experiences.

"The Constant Princess"

I find the subject of "The Constant Princess" very intriguing. In the midst of trying to locate Granada, I stumbled upon an island nation with a similar name: Grenada. The history of both are very intriguing, but I will not go into detail -- but the Internet is a wealth of knowledge. According to some of Grenada's history, the island nation was colonized by Spanish conquistadors. [Thus there is a connection between Granada, where the Spanish King and Queen resided, and Grenada.]

I found Catalina's perspective to be enchanting.Below are some excerpts:

Excerpt 1

We betray our word in three months, expelling the Jews and threatening the Moslems. Everyone must convert to the True Faith [Catholicism], and then, if there is any shadow of a doubt, or any suspicion against them, their faith will be tested by the Spanish Inquisition. It is the only way to make one nation: through one faith. It is the only way to make one people out of the great varied diversity which had been al Andalus. My mother [Queen Isabella] builds a chapel in the council chamber, and where it once said "Enter and ask. Do not be afraid to seek justice for here you will find it," in the beautiful shapes of Arabic, she prays to a sterner, more intolerant God than Allah and no one comes for justice anymore.

Thoughts
I suppose Catalina's thoughts on her faith tout an audience. While I was reading Chapter 1 I was transported into 15th century Spain, a powerful empire during that time. I could imagine the Muslim fortresses and encampments within the Spanish Empire; I could imagine the drama that unfolded during the Spanish conquest; and I could imagine the construction of a magnificent palace for the royal family. But I am more perplexed by the Gregory's apparent, and thoroughly enriching, descriptions on the religious diversity within Spain. And it is obvious that the Muslims occupied the region of Granada.

I was even more surprised to read: "It will be done [says Queen Isabella]. It is God's will and mine." Queen Isabella, a devout Catholic, claims her will is paralleled to that of God's. It is evident in the reading that Isabella was truly devout, but as Queen of Spain, I believe, it was more her will than his. King Ferdinand graciously obeys his wife's direct order saying, "It will be done. It is my duty to see that God's will is done; and my pleasure to enforce yours." Clever writing! Ferdinand must do his duty. Whether or not he obey the queen's orders is optional, though. It is also evident that the queen is equally as powerful as the king. Interesting.

Excerpt 2

It is not truly a palace, not even as those we had known at Cordoba or Toledo.
It is not a castle, nor a fort. It was built first and foremost as a garden,
with rooms of exquisite luxury so that one could live outside. It is a series of
courtyards designed for flowers and people alike. It is a dream of beauty:
walls, tiles, pillars melting into flowers, climbers, fruit, and herbs. The
Moors believe that the garden is a paradise on earth, and they have spent
fortunes over the centuries to make this "al-Yanna": the word that means garden,
secret place, and paradise.

Thoughts

What an amazing description! There is no doubt that I love the natural environment -- to describe a simple garden (al-Yanna) as paradise reminds me of the garden of Eden (Genesis 2: 4-24). It was literally a paradise on earth. The garden within the courtyard was merely an abstraction.

Music of the Day

Spring Break is over: quite uneventful but entertaining it was. I spent the first three days in Asheville, NC (from March 12 to March 14), enjoying the company of some hometown companions. The remaining seven days (from March 14 to March 20) completing a movie marathon, watching half a dozen movies in theaters and watching nearly as much at home. Some nights I decided to read (and hopefully complete) some novels and to listen to music to fall asleep.

Now back at school, I have a limited amount of time to enjoy my music. With no computer to recharge the iPod, I can only listen to my preferred playlist for a maximum of three hours (my current battery life). Some songs on my current playlist include "Reaching for Heaven" by Diana Degarmo, "Get Up" by Superchic, "Washed by the Water" by NeedtoBreathe, and "Lose it All" and "There is Nothing" by Rush of Fools, among others.

[I could address why this selection intrigues me, but "technically" I have no time for such distractions if I am to lift up my grades the remainder of the semester and pass all my classes. Maybe later.]

Other songs: "Only Hope," "You," "Learning to Breathe," "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot --Note I lost and found my iPod outside. Not necessary to go into the details.

Is the Writer's life for me?

I suppose I lack a skill in vocal communication. I am always giddy with laughter, it seems; I mumble; I find difficulty with formulating proper sentences. I am bashful. I cannot seem to fumble on the proper words to end a conversation.

By all means, I prefer the written word. I may someday become an author: a creator of stories. I am always amazed at the skill some authors have at creating characters, setting the stage [not literally, as in theatre], and developing a plot. Most of my knowledge of the written word comes from either reading books [primarily sci/fi fantasy and historical fiction novels] or writing articles.

I am currently writing for the Johnsonian, my school newspaper. Although I am writing for the Health/Science section, I may prefer to begin writing in the Arts section. Each subject interests me to some degree. Photography: a photographer. Science, Zoology, Conservation: a scientist. As humbling as these two choices sound, I find myself lost, setting a course into uncharted territories, expecting to learn numerous things. I seem to be going outward bound.

I am inspired by Madeleine L'Engle, who, without degrees in physics, in biology, etc, was able to write the Time quartet. It amazes me that so little knowledge but some experience can inspire stories.

Spring Break

I suppose my Spring Break has been quite uneventful (in my opinion). I have watched half a dozen movies and finished reading two books. That is surprising! Since I do not often finish one book before starting another. Within the last two days I have finished "Walking on Water" by Madeleine L'Engle and "The Silver Chair" by C.S. Lewis.

I have also watched movies like "The Count of Monte Cristo," "Inkheart," "Twilight," "Pan's Labryinth," and "Watchmen."

Last Minute Preparations

So I find myself studying at the last possible minute for tests and quizzes. With Spring Break only a week away, I am now beginning to cram in the necessary knowledge in a completely illogical fashion. With tests tomorrow and Wednesday I will be glad to escape the bounds of academia and visit long-time friends as I develop stronger friendships with people.

Learning does not come naturally for me (and for anyone or anything, for that matter), but my determination and drive to finish school is dwindling. As an adventure seeker, I know I would excel in an outdoor setting; with stimulations and regulations on "where" I could go for college, I dismissed the opportunity to stay in my hometown and learn about outdoor education at Montreat College.

So: my to do list (yes, I am giving into the pressure and cracking down): (1) Study for Zoology Test (2) Prepare for GIS quiz (which will be partially hands-on), and (3) Read for Ecology Psychology.

The work may be tedious, but I need to learn that it will benefit me. I strive to become more creative. Over the last few weeks I have rediscovered my passion for photography and (however childish it sounds) began to color again. I desire to write; to write a story, create its characters, develop its plot, and describe its setting. The elements of literary inquiry have always been apart of me: I am an analyst who takes things literally, as one of my friends cordially pointed out to me today.

So long my friends!

Women and Handbags

I decided to go to the "Alfred Ward Gallery Talk" tonight and was glad I went. I began to understand the unique designs in his handbag collection. [to be continued, when I have time.]

Taylor Swift -- Love Story

Love Story lyrics

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.


See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

Source: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/taylor-swift-lyrics/love-story-lyrics.html

Commentary to come later.

A Future -- Where?

I have an active imagination: I can often picture myself doing something, going anywhere, or being with someone (whether it is becoming a writer, living abroad, or even joining the military). I know...right! These pictures, though, are mere illusions in my mind. I entertain these ideas (sometimes far-fetched, sometimes beyond my capabilities) as a direction to my future: Is it foolish, simply wishful thinking?

I think so.

This past Fall, I greatly considered joining the military -- Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, or Air Force. My preferences are now in the Navy or the Coast Guard. I ask myself: is this my future? I can imagine joining for a certain amount of time -- maybe 5 to 10 years -- before returning to academic life and studying conservation biology (anywhere!). And joining the military would lead me into that direction. Is that selfish? Not only would I gain the benefits of becoming a part of an integral community but I would develop a stronger sense of character -- the values of teamwork, commitment, responsibility, and protection -- instilled in every action.

Just check out the Navy and Coast Guard's recruiting websites. Both are filled with inspiring messages to fulfill ones dreams. Both, upon entering the websites, create "Accelerate Your Life" (Navy) and "The Shield of Freedom" (Coast Guard). As a daydreamer I find myself easily attracted to these sites, whether or not it is what I am supposed to do is questionable.

___________________________________________________
In my dorm room, my roommate and I have decorated the walls with posters, pictures, and proverbs (thank you Katherine). My side of the room expresses who I am: I have a poster of John Lennon's song "Imagine" and posters of TV shows, like Kyle XY, and movies like Elizabeth: the Golden Age and The Chronicles of Narnia. The bookshelf contains hundreds of books: selections from my favorite author Madeleine L'Engle, books on history, books on Christian living, and books on nature. It's an ambiguous library.

Katherine's corner is less materialistic. She has a select number of books (some required for school and some are not). Photographs of her friends and family dominant the room. On a corner wall close to her bed, she has a poster of the Names of God. Jewlery and an assortment of gifts from friends clutter the desk space. Her space is an excellent example of a dedicated walk with Christ. [I admire you so much! You are an inspiration to me and I need your guidance.]

Since my computer crashed last weekend, I have had to do my work on Katherine's computer. Here, I am not in my circle of comfort (at my desk) but in hers. Beside the mirror, she has posted several biblical proverbs of which I have not heeded until now. I think one is relevant to my problem: Proverbs 19: 20.

Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your
life.

Disappointments

As I was trying to write my paper last night, I nearly lost hope in completing it. But then I disappointed myself and completed deleted the progress I made from my roommate's computer. Unknowingly I have had to restart. As I continue to struggle to write this paper, I will know I shouldn't procrastinate as I so often find myself doing. Social interaction and developing relationships have become a priority instead.

I have a paper due tomorrow. It's the not first time I have procrastinated like this before: it's actually very common behavior for me. The paper is for CTRW (Critical Thinking, Reading, and Writing). Supposedly the class is a foundation for further studies within any discipline. My first paper is an interpretative analysis on any magazine cover. I chose a cover that meant something to me. For me the Great Outdoors is my escape: I personally enjoy being outside. With my uncanny sense of adventure, I will go places both far and wide.

I have always loved the mountains and would love to return for an extended visit. My home is in Southern Appalachia, in Asheville. But I have long since escaped it to explore a new community. I am afraid I will abandon Rock Hill after graduating, leaving behind both friends and family. Since last November, I have entertained the idea of joining the Coast Guard. But I have put that opportunity on the backburner while still in school. However, in two years (2011) I plan to reconsider the option.

IAM who I am

In exactly 16 days I leave to go to New York City with friends. We will be going to the IAM Conference and staying in a hostel. Designed to enrich our lives, the IAM Conference is what it is. I don't know what to expect. I have never gone to the conference before.

So why am I going?

...

.........

................

Saying and Doing

I have discovered I typically have a "delayed reaction" to everything: I say something, I wait (sometimes a long time), and then do it. It is a cycle I am not willing to continue in the future.

Right now I am in the midst of writing an article of the Johnsonian. It is a difficult one to write, though. I am struggling to find the words to write. As a writer, words are important to any story. They convey the message you want to tell. And they can captivate the audience's attention.

As I am writing I have a delayed reaction to complete the article. But I am thinking of something more important: and I am reminded of Jo March in the book "Little Women." This past Friday my roommate decided to donate her hair (some 12 inches) to the organization Locks for Love. I admire her shear determination and her humble heart. So I have finally decided to do the same thing: in two years. For my 21st birthday I will donate my hair (however long) to Locks for Love. For years I have said I would do this, but have easily become annoyed with long hair. The tangles and the knots. I do not properly care for my hair, I feel I shouldn't have to. (But then again I am free-spirited).

Summer Opportunities

As I await the completion of my Summer Project application, I will wait patiently for the response. Of the many decisions I have had to make, the decisions I made for this summer are probably the hardest. First I will spend about a month in Greece touring it by myself for the last week. (Now that will be a challenge, because I have never travelled outside of North America). Greece, in all its beauty and splendor, will be creatively entertaining. I will be reminded of Madeleine L'Engle's book A House Like a Lotus. I might even decide to bring the book for personal enjoyment and compare my adventure with that of the protagonist, Poly.

My second opportunity is Summer Project. I have chosen a variety of locations, among them Colorado and New Zealand. I do not suspect I will get to go to New Zealand because it is my last choice. Below are my finalized preferences:

1. Colorado Operations (Fort Collins)
2. Vail, Colorado (already stated)
3. Santa Cruz (California)
4. Yellowstone National Park (Wyoming)
5. New Zealand (Wellington)

I suspect I chose the first four because they were stateside projects spanning 7 to 10 weeks. New Zealand, then, becomes the outlier of the group. I chose it because I wanted to be spontaneous. I have always wanted to go to New Zealand; I am sure the beauty would enrapture me. But while I was at Encounter '08 I discovered the obvious need in Operations. I am shy and introverted. I write with inspiration. See my article on endangered species.

I often find myself writing more than I should. But I am an artist at heart (if not in mind). I have toyed with the idea of changing my major over and over again: from Environmental Studies/History to English. It would be a difficult change. But then again Creative Writing has always been interesting. On my blog I have the freedom to escape the objective routine writing of journalism. Its purpose, in its most simplest form, is to be objective. Only in some cases (like writing columns) do articles become a works of art--a masterpieces.

I will be overjoyed to go on Summer Project. It is a great uncertainty right now. I hope to be accepted into any of the programs. Summer Project presents a different kind of challenge for me. A challenge that I would willingly take. It would be a chance of a lifetime.

I have always sought after adventure, even as a child. When I was about three or four years old I supposedly thought it a good idea to climb up the dresser. I don't know or even remember how I climbed the thing, but my goal was to reach the top. I am sure the dresser fell. I was left unhurt only to discover fragments of glass (I think) hit my brother. However, I have never sought authentic relationships and find myself alone time after time. Some fear holds me back and I sit in a corner (like I did tonight) waiting to spark a conversation of interest. I am not always successful in this endeavor of mine.

Good night.

Why can't I decide...

I have been thinking that this blog's title does not fit my personality: yes, I do want to reach out of the circle and out of my comfort zone, but my interests are not even mentioned in the title. So I have come up with about five other options, which will be listed below.

1. A Transcendental Thinker
2. Behind the Lens: A Writer’s Journal
3. A Contradictory Meaning
4. Through the Looking Glass (Thinking of “Alice in Wonderland”)
5. Wandering through the Woods

Each describe a certain aspect of my personality: writing and photography, obvious contradictions (my love for the arts and sciences, implied), literature, and nature.

If you would like to post a comment, that might help me decide.

Thank you and good night!

Summer Project Jitters

As you may expect, I never know where I am headed. This summer is no exception.

This summer I have a variety of opportunities, among them Summer Project. I noticed I finished the easy sections of the application, but have put off the more difficult sections far too long. So now I am spending the time to finish the application to be able to send it in ASAP.

Simply Amazing

Just a short walk outside and I am free!

First Day Jitters

It's my first day back at school. I am relaxed and excited to embrace the challenges my classes have to offer. Excited but slightly exhausted from break, I went to class today with no expectations and loosely prepared. I didn't even want to get up this morning! Anyway, I dragged myself to class, sat down, and waited patiently for the class to begin. I found the topic interesting: assumptions. We watched a short movie and discussed the variety of assumptions made within the movie.

Despite the luck of having one class today, I have been physically drained and weaker. I am assuming I am still recovering from being sick at the end of last semester. (Which I still have no idea what I had).

I am also excited about writing for the Johnsonian again. I will be writing my first article this semester...you'll see!!