I know myself a little too well, but now I have the opportunity to know friends and family -- get invovled in other's lives. That is my goal. I know I have formed a bubble around me; but gradually people (friends and family) in my lives have broken it. Just to get to know me, personally. I am letting go of myself, but unless friends and family keep poking me, I will continue to keep the barrier up -- hiding from my worst fears, hiding in shame, and so on.

I am still on Summer Project, but there is a possibility that I am may have to go home -- not like a defeated, helpless puppy; instead embracing life with wholehearted vigor.

Examining even the past six months, I have grown and matured. The process was gradual and I experienced joy and then pain. But who doesn't? The answer: because I wasn't following God wholehearted (honestly a scary thought for me). I spent two hours perusing through Barnes & Noble Bookstore and knew I had to pick up "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb and the topics he touches on (such as self-protection) spoke to me. I am naturally a dreamer, but recently my "earthly" dreams have weirdly and unexpectedly become a spiritual wake-up call.



I have been uneasy and restless since coming to Colorado, which is suggestive to my selfish desires and ambitions. Not so humbling, is it? I couldn't sleep because I was truly wrestling with God. I couldn't find peace in God until I was convicted of my sin. The first verse of "In Christ Alone" amazes me:

In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;

this Cornerstone, this solid Ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh

Fulness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones he came to save

Till on that cross as Jesus died,The wrath of God was satisfied

-For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live.




There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious

DayUp from the grave he rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine -

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.



I will to able to pray with dignified compassion, I will be able to worship my Savior, and I will be able to serve Him with a humble heart.



During our last Soul to Soul large group meeting, my mentor Dana Cline encouraged me by emphasizing the joy she felt in my determination to hike Long's Peak and in my passion for words. Using John 1:1 she was able to describe this passion. I think I have always known I am most passionate for writing, which means I should pursue it full-time. I should spend more time writing; but I have discovered that my best writing is divinely inspired. Sometimes I cannot budge unless I have thoroughly thought the assignment through, sometimes writing it at the last minute.